Don't you send me to vm
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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