the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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