When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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