kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
