I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
