He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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