You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this boner is exhausting
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
