I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
