whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
