she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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