She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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