I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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