She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
