in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
