Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
