And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
