Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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