I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
