So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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