Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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