What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
