I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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