I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
