they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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