A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
