i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
