Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
