dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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