Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
