allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
