My first STD was from a foam party
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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