i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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