it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
