i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
