whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
