Plan B is the new Plan A
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
