I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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