my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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