I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
