While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
