I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
