I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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