I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
