So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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