Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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