WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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