I could make wine with my vomit
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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