The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
