just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
