They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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