Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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