I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
