he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
