I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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