Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
