Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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