tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
