I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
