i just made my gag reflex go away.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
