Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
