No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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