I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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