My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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