Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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