I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
