Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
