i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
