i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
