The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
