We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
