Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
