I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
