Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
