That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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