also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
