That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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