Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
