Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.