On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.