saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice