shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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