My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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