Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum

  (212): View more from New York

  i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls

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  (212): her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum (212): i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls http://tfl.nu/3qj9
  Replies (8) Good night (912) Bad night (1441)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment

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  (949): he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment http://tfl.nu/ipb9
  Replies (18) Good night (3662) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.

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  (904): How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face. http://tfl.nu/e61v
  Replies (17) Good night (589) Bad night (3009)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.

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  (405): You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's. http://tfl.nu/922r
  Replies (9) Good night (4164) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.

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  (832): I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep. http://tfl.nu/qpw1
  Replies (15) Good night (1629) Bad night (4315)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.

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  (262): Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears. http://tfl.nu/gqzu
  Replies (8) Good night (1981) Bad night (3994)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.

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  (971): He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character. http://tfl.nu/w2hk
  Replies (8) Good night (926) Bad night (2254)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter

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  (717): Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter http://tfl.nu/zraa
  Replies (5) Good night (564) Bad night (1654)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.

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  (404): I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around. http://tfl.nu/j7r2
  Replies (7) Good night (747) Bad night (1637)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse

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  (252): The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse http://tfl.nu/x8q4
  Replies (9) Good night (808) Bad night (1793)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome

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  (303): I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome http://tfl.nu/ctsa
  Replies (4) Good night (1393) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete

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  (516): New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete http://tfl.nu/uf35
  Replies (5) Good night (1076) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small

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  (425): My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small http://tfl.nu/0a34
  Replies (5) Good night (758) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.

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  (805): I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled. http://tfl.nu/0c1d
  Replies (3) Good night (538) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it

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  (+44): The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it http://tfl.nu/jw2n
  Replies (1) Good night (340) Bad night (132)

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