I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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