Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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