I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
